So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
