what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
