um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
