I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
