He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
