I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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