Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
