I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
