The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
