how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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