why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
