Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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