Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
