guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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