They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
