yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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