she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
