Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
