Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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