I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize