I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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