i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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