I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
do herpes really smell.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
