Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
