he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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