Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
