Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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