Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
