blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
