chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
