do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
