I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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