I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Randomize
