Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
wow bdsm is so cute
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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