i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
