laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
