Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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