Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
