I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
there is puke in my bra ... again
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