Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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