just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
