just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
