she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
