so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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