If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
