I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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