i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
vagina is talking i cant
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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