I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Panties = found
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize