I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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