Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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