i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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