he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
