The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
