i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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