I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
