I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
where am i from again
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
