I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
