dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
