I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just had sex bonerless
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
