I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
