Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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