i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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