Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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