My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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