Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
