I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
