I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
