you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
3pm strippers are depressing
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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