If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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