Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
