dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
