I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
