sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Enjoy the penises
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
