So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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