porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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