i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
