well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
