well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
