This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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